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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?